Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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