dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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