I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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