Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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