I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
