I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
