If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
