I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
