I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
