I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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