So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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