you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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