Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize