I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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