someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
