haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
