I think i peed on brittanys purse
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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