Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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