i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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