People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
