why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize