I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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