When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
