I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
