I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
