Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Panties = found
Randomize
