you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
