I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
