Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
