why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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