You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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