Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
