Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
