And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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