I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
