If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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