I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
