$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
