What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
