he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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