god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my being single is dangerous.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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