so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize