"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
