Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
