i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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