A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just tell him i said nine months
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
