i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
