you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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