Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
