Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
