I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is wine microwaveable?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
