You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
