Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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