His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
