Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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