If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
