That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
