You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize