WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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