you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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