I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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