I think my vagina is haunted
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about my life...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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