it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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