you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
