party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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