there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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