Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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