so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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