Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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