Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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