he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
did you just send me my own nude
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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