I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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