i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm at about main and main street
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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