New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
