The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
