Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
