I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
