the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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